Not spoiling or overprotecting, this loving habit psychology says might actually harm grandchildren

January 15, 2026

The evolving landscape of family dynamics reveals a perplexing trend among grandparents: the fine line between love and overprotectiveness. In an era where safe spaces are meticulously crafted, many grandparents find themselves grappling with how to engage their grandchildren without veering into the territory of spoiling or suffocating them. The psychological implications behind this dilemma are profound, suggesting that even well-intentioned actions can inadvertently shape a child’s sense of safety and trust. Grandparents, often celebrated for their unconditional love, can find themselves unwittingly instilling anxiety rather than reassurance in their grandchildren through their attempts to protect them from real or imagined harm.

Research indicates that when protective behaviours become excessive, they can cultivate an environment where children feel more vulnerable instead of secure. Grandparents may prioritize immediate safety over the long-term emotional health of their grandchildren, neglecting to establish necessary boundaries that underpin healthy relationships. A loving habit, such as closely monitoring activities or overindulging in affection, can undermine a child’s confidence and autonomy. This paradox suggests a critical need to navigate grandparenting with awareness and intent, focusing on fostering independence and emotional well-being without crossing into overprotection.

The Psychology Behind Protective Behaviour

Understanding the psychology of overprotectiveness reveals how it directly impacts children’s emotional health and development. Well-meaning grandparents often operate from a place of love, wanting to shield their grandchildren from potential disappointments and dangers. However, this instinct can backfire, as children may internalize messages of distrust and danger, leading to heightened anxiety.

How Overcaring Can Backfire

Studies highlight that excessive caution might inadvertently instill a sense of fear and dependency. When children perceive their surroundings as fraught with risks, their foundational trust is eroded. The environment becomes one where they rely excessively on adult reassurance, undermining their ability to navigate challenges independently. This dynamic can create a cycle where grandparents feel compelled to offer ever-increasing levels of protection, perpetuating a lack of autonomy in the grandchild.

Creating Healthy Boundaries

Leveraging the understanding of child development, setting healthy boundaries becomes critical. Grandparents can embrace opportunities to encourage exploration while remaining a steady source of emotional support. This balanced approach fosters resilience, allowing grandchildren to confront risks and learn from failures without the perpetual shadow of overprotection clouding their experiences.

Practical Ways to Foster Independence

Grandparents can implement several strategies to nurture independence in their grandchildren. Encourage participation in age-appropriate tasks, such as cooking or handling small responsibilities. Thus, instilling confidence and a sense of accomplishment becomes a cornerstone of healthy growth. Engaging grandchildren in discussions about their feelings can also help bridge the gap between protection and autonomy.

Navigating the Balance Between Care and Control

The key takeaway for grandparents is understanding the art of grandparenting without falling into the trap of overprotection. It’s crucial to acknowledge that love does not equate to shielding grandchildren from every challenge they might face. Instead, embracing moments of vulnerability can foster true resilience.

The Role of Open Communication

Facilitating open conversations regarding feelings and challenges can reinforce a sense of safety. When grandchildren understand that they are safe to express worries and face failures, they can cultivate a stronger emotional foundation. Grandparents should strive to listen actively and validate those emotions, creating a secure environment for expressing fears without judgment. This approach not only strengthens familial bonds but also promotes healthy coping mechanisms.